Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
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Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Just invented taco cereal.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
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