Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
