Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
