Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
