dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
