He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
