you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize