the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
