walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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