the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
