No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
40s are totally the cure
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
