probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
