Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
