My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
one two three fourrrrnication!
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
