my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
