So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
