i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
