And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
