the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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