I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
