half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Randomize
