yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I deserve this hangover.
Randomize
