You were right. It hurts to walk today.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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