I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
