I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
