I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
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