I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
