shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
