Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
