i just wanna soil my oats bro
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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