I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Randomize
