i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
