When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
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