bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
