my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
