Plan B is the new Plan A
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize