you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
