Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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