You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Randomize
