you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize