I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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