So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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