how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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