My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
