he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
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