i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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