this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
