I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
