they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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