So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize
