I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
