Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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