My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
