Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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