god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
