Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
