every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
