Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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