Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
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