Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Randomize
