My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
