I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
