Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
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