yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
