why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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