Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Randomize
