I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
