i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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