And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
