so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
